The Fifth Petal - A(lie)veSometimes I want to live
In the shadows of my quiet lie
I’ve become something I’m not
Out of fear that truth shows me as rotten
These days it feels as though all I’ve got
Is this persona who’s all smiles, vices forgotten
Would you stand by my side
Even if I said long ago I had died?
If all that remains of me is the distant memory
Of a tomorrow never arriving for me?
It hurts to breathe
All that toxic poison on which you feed
If only it were a dream
That could alleviate this painful fantasy
As time goes on, verily
I fear I’m unworthy of your loyalty
Your devotion is reanimating
Something I thought never to be blooming
Slowly I wither from inside out
I’ve not the strength to shout
To scream, to tell the truth
To tell you how this clever ruse
Became the muse
Of my beautiful insanity
Of my profane reality
It hurts to breathe
All that toxic poison on which I feed
If only I were a dream
That could cast away this terrifying humanity
This beauty you see
Cold ValentineIf there ever was a time
Where I thought all was mine
Reality came crashing through
And I was shown all that’s true
In this world.
The dead haunt behind closed doors
I try to close my eyes
And dismiss them as all lies
But the knocking keeps on coming
Waking me from dreamy sleep
No use in counting sheep
When all I am are memories resurfacing
If tears would fall for me
Those days are gone
I know what it means to be lonely
To be coming home
To an empty house of discarded bones
And shattered dreams
What does it all mean
If I’m the only one left behind
Creeping up on me, reminding me I’ve not moved on
That even though you’re gone
I’m still swimming in the space
Of my mind your face
Borrowed so long ago.
Why did you have to go…
Why did you have to go and leave me on my own
My own lonely, suffering so alone on this throne
Of rickety stone.
Stone cold heartbreaker
You’re nothing but a killer
Prowling like a cheap trick thriller.
If tears would fall for
PeaceI never used question dare to.
a S I grew, though, questions soon did too.
un U sual thoughts fed to me
but F ear, me it ensnared in its web.
all ef F ort, all change would be for naught
chang E, out of our grasp, and made was I
only a p R isoner theirs until the end of time.
seven I nsufferable years, thought of as nothing but
a fie N d.
S ometimes I dream of that day
m I ne suffering still fresh, not a haze.
al L for what?
mad E difference none to the world I did.
made N othing of me other than fuel for endless war, and hate.
the di C e rolled in favor of bloodshed, for
jewel r E d, diamond precious more.
I cry, w E ep, and never sleep
for e V ery night, when close mine eyes
min E ears hear their cries;
fa R m ablaze, children’s charred carcass...
m Y family from me be torn and
Damned I be until
sAy no more shall I. Unt
Sleep in the ShadowsDarkness tugged at the corners of their minds
Shadows dancing in plain sight
They knew not what they were meant to find
Without a sound, and not a chance of fight or flight
They fell into deeper shades of fright
And as their last light
Slowly faded in this ever twisting passageway
Where the black ceded to the day
Stirring, the long fall had ended in deep sleep
Depths unfathomable, but none a price too steep
Struggling to their feet
Ignoring the decadent whispers, so soft, so bleak
Onwards they trudge
Or so they hope as true
Fat, whimsical temptress, cold and shrewd
She the only judge
In this Forever Quest
Ancient and new. Cruel mistress
Singeth in their poor fragile souls
Hath Fear taken hold?
Are thee troubled, for lack thereof being bold?
To this jab dressed in jest they told
Never shall they be felled by tricks so old
Wicked was the cackle
In singsong were the children mocked, and told the inevitable
See thee not thy own frailty?
See thee not the impossibility
In this quest baptised
Fairy Tale‘Tis but a tale,
Said she with a crooked smile.
But is it truly
Something so simple, verily?
Sylvan spirits roam the treeline
And seek only further poison our minds
With trickery and deceit
So much darkness that creeps
Slow, agonizingly slow
With no light or respite to show.
A time when darkness had not come
When she feared it most
In ways shared by none
She promised herself to never be lost
For as long as her Fairy Tale stayed true
To her heart, never would the world
And never would it turn cold.
‘Tis but a tale.
The words were stale
In her head
Banished was her dread
From her waking days
Onward, no longer did she fear, nay
For from the tale sprang to life
The Crone’s Caverns, to whom her destiny would be wife
To whom her fate intertwined
To whom darkness would flee
To whom the kind
In not gold or trinkets
But in blood and innocence.
Such is the price of fear
Such is the price she paid dear
Such is why Wicked
Is now once faithful Witch.
If you’re about to die
Hold your head up high
And unleash some MAYHEM
Make it your anthem
Walk over their corpses
Spit on their choices
Be hateful of their over inflated egos
One two three then two
Show what it means to be you
Rhyme and hear the bells chime “who?”
Even if you’re not the doctor
Let them know you have that fear factor
You won’t cry
Even if you’re about to die
You’ll hold your head up high
And unleash some MAYHEM
It’s your anthem
Singing to their corpses
Spitting on those wrong choices
Best of all you’ll watch their false empire as it crumbles
Let it all fall
To ash from which it won’t rise
No phoenix qualities upon which to call
Let them be buried beneath their sins and lies
And you, just unleash some MAYHEM
Haunted Realm of FableIn a distant far away land
Far off the beaten path
Where twilight had fallen
And a dark shadow, arisen.
A beautiful, but loathsome widow
Perched at the edge of her window
And with her piercing gaze, cursed once beautiful Fable.
Gnarled and impish the woods turned
And evil critters, ghosts and goblins alike emerged.
Festering beneath the deepest roots
Ancient ghouls awoke
And night wraiths wait for their next meal.
Her evil spell has the land ensnared
An evil cackle echoes in the footsteps of those who dared
Approach the forest unprepared. Dreams and nightmares
All come to life in this haunted land of Fable.
The red eyes haunting the Hollow
Your every step, they follow
Storm clouds hide the moon’s grace
And in the darkness
Your face is swallowed by the gloom and night, endless.
There are whispers in the dark
A sound only none too old to hark
If lucky too were you
To survive the night and retain your youth.
A soft melody
Is it another coming of Her treachery?
All you see
Someone ElseIn the desolate wastes
Of my forgotten mind
Sometimes I see the mirror
To another side
Where worlds collide
And dreams accompany me for the ride
Scream for me
Scream at me
The only difference is my desire
To break free
Of these chains of insanity
Under my breath
A voice brings tidings of Death
I shiver, quaking in fear
He is so near
So close I can feel his deft touch
His silky smooth fingers clutch
My heart in a beautiful trap
But it’s already too late
Alter ego mine you should keep your smile
Someone might realise how amiss and fragile
You really are if you stay hidden away
Tilt your head up and laugh until the world decays
There’s so much beauty in this rotten shell of Heaven
Who wouldn’t want to be a heathen
In a place such as this?
I hear your screams
They’re directed at me, for better or worse
But trust me dearie ‘tis not a curse
Rejoice, I tear you at the seams
Because I need to show you what it means
To be somebody else
I beg you to l
AncientThe flames of their torches
Guide them through the maze of pillars
Shrieks behind, overhead, around
Still they run
Their legs burn
The weight of their arms
Swinging at their sides
Still they run
Those that get too close
Cut down with one fell swoop
Of a blade or axe
Or shot by an arrow
Late the hour
The shrieks near
A quiet revelation
Familiar FriendOh, familiar friend.
Where did you go?
I seem to have lost my way again.
My eyes are too keen
And the words are all lies.
They believe I can cope without you.
For a time, I managed.
But I never found my faith.
The only person to accept was myself.
This world is too harsh,
This pain lashes too raw.
I don't want to admit to my defeat.
I would rather stay blinded,
To remain blissfully ignorant.
It's hard to escape when you're all that I know.
I drink from a cup of poison,
I can bare its sickening flavor.
Just to feel it nurture my tortured soul.
It soothes, it calms, it numbs,
I drink until I feel nothing, nothing at all.
I choose you every time. I return to your arms.
Oh, familiar friend.
Where have you been?
Promise that you'll never let go.
The world is too cold,
And I fear that I cannot live
Without reaching the bottom of a bottle.
Apologies to a friendYou pour your heart out to me,
and are willing
to submerge me
in an ocean
yet when I see the water
rushing towards me,
I convince myself
I don't like
Storm Ravaged HopePetals are a scatter
Across rain torn grass,
Vines caressing leaves
Fallen from bare trees
To the right, the garden
Holds a scene of crush -
Remains of rose petals
Create a scene of red
One blood red petal fallen
For every death occurred
In this unknown village
But there in the midst
Lies a rose of black,
Drenched in sorrow
From its very tip
To the loose roots
Remained in the soil
A few darkened petals
To remember our losses,
But a living death
Meant for true hope
Ray of Hope (Depression hurts!)
Gloomy days and shades of grey,
promises long forgotten.
Words of pain leave scars that stay,
choices were ill-begotten.
Rays of sun obscured by cloud,
I pray for a glint of light.
Stinging darts thrown by the proud,
add misery to my plight.
searching for truth
hunting for proof
praying for sun
praying for sun...
Clouds depart, a ray of hope,
softness instead of what's cruel.
Hope is renewed, helping me cope,
sun sparkling bright like a jewel.
Depression cuts like a knife,
carving up pieces of heart.
I need something more from life,
desperate to make a new start.
needing true love
like hand in glove
wanting to please
dreaming of more
windswept summer days that never end
flowers that bloom and never die
hallowed paths to tread lightly
happy smiles deep inside me
happy smiles deep inside
fate and a handful of broken ribs.it all became a heartthrob obsession
when your eyes smiled along
with the sun, too,
and my broken bones fluttered along
to my now alive again, heart-rate--
the violin strings i doubt i could play
would ring through your ears like
every thought of your fingers
running through my hair
that would never happen in this poisoned
bone like wisps and heavy rib cages
that i will never get
to caress and fix,
no- i'm not a mechanic
but i'm damn close.
so let me write you a
river of some kind of
sad truth, a riverside woodland
where both of us see
the forest for the trees
"don't fall into the water!"
(i don't have a line of fate on my palm.
does that mean i've already met it?)
SoliloquyI want to write something sunny,
Something bright and full of delight,
But the world keeps spinning faster;
It keeps spinning into the night.
How do I write of butterflies
When all I see are moths?
How do I write of victory
When all I see are sloths?
Looking for the silver lining
Is easier said than done.
They say keep moving forward,
But life weighs a ton.
Doors keep getting closed,
And their keys keep getting lost,
And this just makes me wonder,
What would giving up cost?
My mind tells me it’s not worth it,
My heart declares that isn’t so,
And my soul just keeps on screaming;
It keeps screaming Go! Go! Go!
I’ve tied a knot around my wrist
To remind me of my goal.
I’ve changed all my radio stations
So they sing the songs of the soul.
How could I live with myself
Upon giving up a dream?
How could I think of backing down
When things aren’t what they seem?
So I’ll just keep on going,
Keep looking towards the sun,
For when all of this is over,
I can rej
Broken SmilesBroken smiles and empty hellos
Beneath my skin, a soul bellows
Not too loud, but not too quiet
Yet enough for thoughts in mind cause riot.
Broken smiles and perfect skin
Opening up and crying is treated as sin
Hope filled sighs and dangerous intimacy
Nourish a part of me unconditionally.
Broken smiles and temporary moments,
And me thinking you’re my only component.
But most of all, that broken smile
The one that keeps me hidden for a while.
The layer of protection I always seek
If only there was something to make it complete.
My HeartMy heart
I wanted to give you my heart,
But it fell apart,
Shattering into little pieces,
With my love oozing out of the creases.
I thought I would be alone forever,
Roaming the earth without a lover.
Being disconnected and empty,
Never complete or happy.
Then you came along,
Making me feel like I belong.
You smiled and hugged me,
And never judged me.
I watched you pick up all the pieces of my heart,
That was all over the place, apart.
You made it whole,
With the pure essence of your soul.
Together we are complete,
Our life is happy and sweet.
You fixed my heart with your love and energy,
Now I can love you freely.
Five Truths I Never Spokei. Fuck you.
People say you shouldn’t end things on a bad note
because god forbid you regret it later,
but I think this was the only truth you ever said to me
and i wish I could learn how to mean it right back
even when my hands aren’t shaking,
then maybe it would finally span the miles between these
two lonely islands.
I always knew I was a bit too much for most people
but I never deserved the words you layed out
(or the ones you held back)
and it took me far too long to come to terms with that.
ii. I give up.
I was never much of a quitter because
I never really participated in anything,
but this game has gone on far too long for my liking
and I’m rather tired of shitting around.
I am the worst with goodbyes but
there is something about you
that’s been gone much longer than you’ve been around,
so I guess I never really said hello in the first place.
Maybe I’ll see you around when you’re whole again,
but today I am leaving you behind, and
Smile Just OnceExplain the dreams that pervade all nights of solitude and bliss, the thoughts of the one who's never met or even real we'll miss
Or better yet unravel the tale of one a person hates, yet after a kind word and a gentle smile, that anger abates
Tell the story of a man whose lips are always sealed, and a woman who saw that and heart toward him concealed
Constantly in each others' presence but not saying hello, neither of them feeling the need for friendliness to show
Spill the facts about how the girl finally broke the war, complimenting him on something, resetting the score
Imagine the shock on that girls face as when she spoke and said, "Hi," the first time they broke the silence, the man was not so shy
All of the time she had thought that he had had a heart of stone; picture her amount of delight when his smile had grown
Two individuals in the same place who never shared a word, when the whole time the problem was that neither of them had heard
Meditate on that girl's thoughts as the
Why Is It Always Me?Why Is It Always Me?
Why am I the one to wait
for an answer from him
day and night?
Why am I the one to listen
when no one really
listens to me?
Why am I the one to be there
when I always feel
Why am I the one to encourage
when I can't even find
hope of my own?
Why am I the one to love
and always have
to be afraid?
Why am I the one who stays
when everyone else
just walks away?
Why am I the one to be lonely
and feel like I'm breaking
and need to fake a smile?
Starting School AgainBack to spending days staring at a screen.
Back to hearing my mother yell at how terrible my grades are.
Anything less than A+ is horrid I suppose.
I fear I'm just a moron, because you hate seeing that B+.
A few A-'s and another couple basic A's but you will once again focus on the B's.
Stressing me out.
Stress, obsess, I'm just worthless.
The four question quick checks I can't aford to miss anything.
I will inevitably miss that third question and my grade will drop some more.
It would be easier to focus behind a desk.
With out you freaking out, and the Tv blaring.
But other kids are mean, I fear that they will bully me.
They whisper and I think they speak about me.
So I stay home, instead.
My fear of people, of walking those halls alone, lonely.
Maybe this time you won't critique me so harshly.
But I won't achieve the perfection of straight A+ 's .
I try and try and try, but sometimes I will fail.
Because I'm human.
Another year of giving up and self hatred.
The Burden of LossTo the one who became my first true friend
It seems our wounds weren’t destined to mend
The murder that should have never occurred
To the bonds we knit so tightly secure
We were closer than water, closer than blood
But liquid is liquid, and washes away like a flood
In the end, these regrets are mine to bear
I wish there was some way to show you I care
And turn back the clock to a time we still shared
To the one who became my bantering brother
I would have never traded you for another
Our jokes were filled with lighthearted scorn
Our jests pierced like quick, but gentle thorns
Through sarcasm we drew closer together
But time slowly loosed our friendship’s tether
It was my mistake for being so blind
And my memories are too quick to remind
Our destinies were never meant to intertwine
To the one who became the block in the road
The one of whom I bear the largest load
I’ve attempted to escape this dead end maze
Treaded it so many times, I’ve created my own ways
Giving inI give up, I give in,
My life will always be filled with sin,
I try so hard, to breathe, to live,
But it all ends up falling, crashing, the supports finally give,
I see so many other people, so happy, carefree,
I think to myself, I think about how much I hate me,
Often suicide lingers in my thoughts,
To slit my neck, to be buried 6 feet below, with my cross,
I'm not strong, never was,
I breakdown, I crack, I hurt, just like everyone else does,
Even knowing other people face the same problems,
I feel alone, I feel weak, I feel like the pain never ends,
Thoughts of jealousy fill my mind,
Sometimes I just wish I was blind,
I wish I couldn't see the truth,
And mend all of the problems of my youth,
But the past is a haunting thing,
And I fear that death is the thing that fate will soon bring.
ImpossibleYou turn away, grab your things,
and turn to go to bed.
You leave me alone to do everything by myself.
I need your help,
but you think I'm supposed to be perfect.
I am supposed to always look nice
never doing anything wrong.
Have perfect grades,
and a pleasant personality.
But that's impossible.
I have a foolish heart...All I asked of you,
Was to hold my hand,
To be there for me in the end...
To hold on to this rope,
And through it all,
I trusted you,
But that was a foolish thing to do...
Cause you cut the rope and let me go,
Laughed as you watched my bones break...
And walked away...
But those eyes,
They still give my stomach butterflies,
And even though I know they're lies,
The things you whisper into my ear,
They're so sweet they're almost all I want to hear.
My heart should know better,
But it can't help it,
It loves the thought of you and me together...
I died todayI died today
Took my own life
I was tired
I was desperate
And now I'm dead
People never cared
So I left them behind
Now a new life awaits
Beyond the gates of Hell
A ThoughtI take the beauty from pain,
Revel in it's purity.
In this unfathomable ecstasy,
The voice murmurs incoherently,
I feel it's piercing words.
A powerful thought seeded.
To Betray the ones you love,
To remain in this damned life.
A pugatory I deserve,
To never be saved from this limbo.
I continue with this beautiful pain,
Forever taking this hatred.
Never able to forgive.
Never wanting to forget.